Marriage – The First Year
By Lesly Birkland
People ask all the time how married life is. My response is, “it’s the same as when we were dating, except I live with him now.” I don’t know any other way to explain it. I’m sure the question comes up more times than not because Dustin and I are both 19 and we have lived at home our whole lives. Marriage – the first year, was a big change for both of us.
Let me go back to when I was younger, when I thought I would never get married. To tell you the truth the thought scared me. People were always talking about how hard it was. I didn’t want to put myself through something that was going to make me someone I didn’t want to be or change my overall self. I took in the bad comments people had said about marriage and thought the good things were always out-weighed by the bad. I was never sure about the subject.
When I first met my husband a lot of questions went through my head. Questions like, am I ready to leave my family? Am I responsible enough to keep house? Will I be a good wife? The question that scared me the most was, am I ready to leave my family? My family and I are really close. They have always been my safe place. And for some reason I thought that when I was married I would have to cut off nearly all contact with them. But this is not true as my mother reassured me.
One reason I think it was hard for me was the heart to heart talks I would have with my Mother and my older sister. Girls need this talk time. We share our hearts and our souls and thoughts about our innermost feelings. Sometimes we are just goofy, but it’s all important!
Other things I miss are the touches of home: The smell of momma’s bread baking in the oven, the glow of the candles in the cooler evenings, sitting on the porch in summertime and watching the sun set, and waking up to smell the cool crisp morning air from my bedroom window. Daddy and the coffees he would make my mom, sister and I every weekend morning. Hearing my sister and brother laughing and then begin fighting. The food in the refrigerator I didn’t have to cook. I miss all that and more. The thought that came to my mind was I’ll never get it back. I’ll never have those moments again. They are a part of my past and I can only experience them by remembering. Those are depressing thoughts huh? I made myself cry by thinking about it all.
My mom knew I was experiencing some of these things so one day I called her and she said, “You keep looking like you want to say something but you can’t get it out.” I said, “Momma I miss you! And it makes me sad that I only get to see you every so often. I miss the joy of home.” I told her what I missed and why and she said, “Lesly, it’s okay to feel that way. You’re not alone. We are experiencing the same feelings with you being gone.” She told me to buck-up and smile. But when she said that it was with a soft tone and it more meant be strong girl, we are going to get through this! That was so comforting. Ha-ha buck-up she says.
Once I started getting use to how things where changing I began to realize that I will always miss my family. At least I have a lot of memories to look back on and laugh at. I will tell my children and we will do some of the same things.
That is what I am deciding to do. I am going to do things that my momma did. Things that made my home feel safe and cozy. Like lighting candles in cool afternoons, and making my own bread. Filling my own refrigerator with food (all the food Dustin and I like). I am going to make my new home for my husband as safe and warm and welcoming as my home was. That is my new goal! And it’s keeping me busy! I am constantly thinking of new ways to make our house feel more like a home. I have already baked a batch of bread! Mmm, and it was good.
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Life goes by too fast to stay caught in the past. I need to prepare for what is next to come and be ready to face change. I needed to buck-up! I am strong and with my family behind me and my husband beside me I can and will succeed!
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Lesly has been married for eight years now and has two little boys, my grandchildren! She has a beautiful home, loving husband and runs her own business. We are still very close and do lots of things together. I am blessed beyond measure. You can find Lesly at http://www.leslybirkland.com/
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